repeating apologies

feeling sickly, my nose is like a tap and my throat like sandpaper. mummmmmyyyy, come over and look after me! love me! ehhh *sniff* *sniff* whinge whinge *cries*

It seems everyone you talk to now days is saving their pennies. Post travel extravaganza, I’ll be looking to plot and save for my next adventure. However, that doesn’t mean lying on my bed staring at the ceiling!

Here’s a list of things you can do that don’t involve spending a lot of money – to relax, entertain or simply change tack away from the couch:

1. Instead of storing them, cut up your old magazines and create inspiration notebooks to refer to. I find this process incredibly relaxing, from destroying the magazine spines (kneel on them & tug) to snipping out bouffant hairdos.
2. Indulge in a single scoop of the most decadent flavoured gelato. My local has incredible flavours like Ferrero Rocher, Red Bull and Forrest Fruits.
3. Pick up brochures from your local information centre/historical society that give you self guided routes. Follow the walks to learn about your ‘hood!
4. Reorganise your CD/record/book/DVD collectionwith an alternate approach. Genre, year, alphabetical, spine colour. It’s time to get OCD.
5. Meditate. Focus on breath work first if you are having a hard time quelling your mind.
6. Set challenges for yourself. Abstain from alcohol, coffee, sex or chocolate for a month. Whatever your vice, keep away and you will be entertained no end. At the end you may even feel better. Too hard? How about a challenge to win $1000 worth of prizes in a month. Keep, swap, sell!
7. Attend art gallery openings. They are always good for filling those Monday and Tuesday evenings, and there’s almost always wine. Mm,wine culture!
8. Bands always need people in their music videos aka “a crowd of raging fans”. Go along and adopt a band, it’s always really really fun to rock out of control (even if they’re bad).
9. Feed ducks at your local pond. This is especially rewarding in spring when there’s ducklings and cygnets, aw.
10. Swim in the ocean. Or the lake! Try a variety of weathers – swimming in the sea when it’s raining is one of my favourite things ever.
11. Go camping for a single night in your nearest regional/national park. You get fresh air, a change of scenery and a mini hassle free adventure.
12. Become an origami expert - there’s lots of good videos on YouTube. A friend of mine is a champ at making tiny piglets!
13. Go thrift shopping, limiting yourself to $10 or less. What can you get? Something weird, classy, cool or for your best friend (I always buy old man cardigans for my bffs).
14. Make stupid videos - I spent serious time making this video as part of going away card. You can do better, rise to the level of internet meme… hours of fun!
15. Geek out and become the kind of person who can name plants and tell you all about their secret lives. Every time people see my tattoos they shoot me botany questions, so I am starting to gather a little knowledge on hydrangeas. Why yes, that is a Hydrangea macrophylla! (Boys who can name plants are incredibly sexy by the way. Swoon. Combine that skill with a picnic in a garden and I’m yours.)
16. On that note, organise a picnic with friends. Each of you is to bring one plate of treats, someone is to bring a blanket and voila! A modern feast.
17. Listen to the entire body of work by one musician/band. Form an opinion. Share that opinion. No idea? Start with Bob Dylan.
18. Likewise, read the entire body of an author’s work. Borrow these (potentially stacks) of books from the library. No idea? Start with Joyce Carol Oates.
19. Start a blog. I heart WordPress and there’s a free hosted version available. Vent, rant, discuss, share what you’re thinking in that cute lil head of yours… and tell me when you’ve done so!
20. Scan old photographs and reminisce. Even better, do it with a friend. You can talk abut times that were, or the times that explain why you are who you are today. Fun.
21. Pub quizzes are grand. Drink a beer, squabble with your friends and learn some new facts. If you go every week your accumulated bar tabs will start covering the entire team’s drinks! Good for those empty Mondays and Tuesdays.
22. Acquire language tapes and learn a new tongue. I like putting Plimsleur lessons on my iPod and brushing up on my Japanese while running.
23. Make play-dough. I’m serious. Get back to your childhood and whip up a batch of dough (recipe here) and use food colouring to dye it wild hues. Sculpt and carve away your frustrations!
24. Plan that trip. Get into the nitty gritty of itineraries and budgets. Research: how much for that Cuban visa? How much for a meaty snack on the Trans-Siberian railway? What’s a good local coffee shop to visit in Glasgow?
25. DIY some fashion.Dainty tights,studded ballet flats and mini top-hatsto decorate thy head. Learn to knit if you can’t already!
26. Write letters to all your nearest and dearest letting them know some of the reasons why you appreciate them… “I love you because you are not afraid to be silly and dance like a maniac with me, we share a Japanese obsession and I can always encourage you to do shots.” Post them.
27. Craft haiku. Modern ones, innit. I’ve written haiku about Trent Reznor’s hair, the emotional toll of public buses and the smell of the sea when you’re in love.
28. Head to your nearest mega-chain-book store like Borders - the modern library. Sit down somewhere paw at all the latest editions of foreign magazines, lap up the latest sci-fi fiction or read some manga. Then leave, without paying a cent. Muahaha! Sometimes if I’m feeling saucy I take my pile of reading material to the cafe and splash out on a ridiculously named coffee.
29. Gig guides and event listings are your friends! You should be able to find a free event to attend every night of the week.Go forth and discover new venues, music styles and subcultures. Raves, Romanian folk or clubs laid out like rabbit warrens – explore them all!
30. Live near the country? See if there is somewhere you can pick your own fruit and vegetables, or head to your local urban farmers market. Then take your seasonal produce and get in touch with your domestic side. For example, if you could get cheap fruit, there’s a world of preserves and jams to explore. Failing that, grab a bottle of vodka – there is always litres of cocktails to be made!

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it might sound weird but ive always had this thing about finding a guy that likes the same music as me. i know it sounds lammmmmme and uber picky and all that but i cant seem to give it up. anyway i was thinking about it last night and i realised, its not the music taste that im obsessed about, its the quirky-ness and uniqueness of the boy as a person. to me the music that i like just goes along with said quirky-ness and uniqueness.

uhh its such a relief tbh, because ive always been afraid of saying to someone when they ask about my taste in the male kind, that i want a boy that likes metal and hardcore because i know it sounds stupid. and now that i think about it, if he has his own style and marches to the beat of his own drum then music doesnt matter at all. suchhhh a revelation haha

• by myself
• i also ate heaps of icecream

pretty sure on friday at work i did no work at all. and im not exaggerating, i literally mean no work. i started on some stuff in the morning and then boss man went out and said that he wasnt going to come back afterwards. from there it all went downhill, pretanding to do work or surfing the internets. we had a meeting at 2, and usually go to lunch at 1 so i think all of us went to lunch early cos our lunch breaks usually extend by about 20 minutes lol. so after the meeting there was about 1.5 hours to go till hometime and yep did nothing again. haha it might sound awesome but it was actually really boring. boy, did it drag.

today i got a little bit annoyed. i had spent a few hours last night with a friend who wanted me to design a quick logo for a company she was starting up. i tots dont have any money at the moment and she knows that, and she wanted to go out and get foods, and i was like eee i cant really but whatever she wants to so i did and ended up spending money i dont have.  but i was like, wellll she is going to pay me for the work im doing, ill get the dinner money back from that. then at the very end she just goes, so um, do you want payment for this? or can i just shout you dinner?

um, yes payment! duh! you think i do this for fun? no, its my job! and she knows that im scrimping and saving to go overseas, why would i do this for free? far out man, im like this person has the hide to think all my time and effort is only worth a $15.95 burger and chips? no way… *shakes head* anyway she didnt say anything at first but then i got a text today saying, “oh just hold off on the logo for the moment.” translation: i dont wanna pay for it so dont do it. gee thanks.

so in the end i spent money (that again, i didnt have) to not get a freelance job. sweet.

long story short, im glad im not a gold digger. hahahaha

dear boy that doesnt exist yet,
please hurry up. get a map or get a gps or pull over and ask for flippen directions, i dont care. just find me already.
im sick of being alone. im sick of convincing myself that its all going to be okay. im sick of telling myself that i like being single. im sick of lying in bed at night thinking about it and my face crumpling up and tears streaming down my face. im sick of feeling like im literally going to be forever alone. im sick of feeling embarressed that im still single. im sick of thinking about what my family thinks about me. i worry that they think theres something wrong with me. i worry that theres something wrong with me.
where are you? please find me…
love with all my heart,
tamara

its hard to let go of stuff sometimes. no matter how badly you want to tell someone something, if they wanna do it, they’re gonna do it.  nothing you say or do will make any difference and it kills you inside to watch them do something that you think is a reallllllly bad idea. 1. you’re putting yourself into a situation that someone like you shouldnt be in. 2. youre opening yourself up to temptation and its harder to resist said temptation now. and 3. youre reputation is on the line. its hard ya know? to just let them go on and do it. they arent listening and just power on ahead, using whatever excuse they think of thats even remotely passable.

anyway, whatever.